One of those things we don't talk about...

I was talking about Pap Smears with a few girlfriends trying to work myself up to booking one. Just like every woman, I HATE them. After a few drinks (and sometimes not any) people really loosen up about their Pap Smear experiences.

Everyone has a funny story or two that wasn't so funny at the time:

1. One friend shared that her male doctor requested that she give his fingers back after she had tensed up so much during the exam.
2. One was surprised when the doctor pulled out the torch for a better look (Maybe he should invest in a Miner's light to free up both hands?)
3. Another asked if they got the Brazilian just for him (No, but I am sure her vagazzling was). 
4. One lady ended up being the unexpected training vagina for some newbies. (I'm all for on the job training but this might push me over the edge).

Some women insist on female doctors and others swear by males. I nearly always go for females but find them really rough. It's almost like they are so familiar with the area they know how much rough treatment it can take. The males have been so gentle, like they are scared of hurting the delicate flower. I have been brought to tears by females but never males.

Finally, generally the women I talked to prefer it not to be a cute, male doctor. This makes it much, much worse. I have never had a cute, male doctor perform the procedure but I would have thought it would make it much better.

Have you had any interesting experiences? Feel free to share, we are all girlfriends here.

PS: I hope you are all up-to-date. If you are over 18 and have had sex, you should have a Pap Smear every two years. If you have had cell changes your doctor might want to do them more regulary.

This is not a Robot Duck

Things that don't photograph well

Here are a few things I have noticed that rarely photograph well. Please prove me wrong...

Knees
They tend to look like two boobs peeking up over fabric or two wrinkly eyes. You can never use enough moisturiser to make them look pretty.

Feet
Feet are ugly. Yes, even yours. I have been known to take a few feet snaps but I don't really like looking at yours. Notice I softened the ugly with water. I should have thrown it through a few filters to soften the blow more but I was feeling cruel.

Baby's first potty poo/wee
What an exciting moment! You really should take a photo for their 21st but people have actually been sharing these on Facebook. Why on earth do you think any of your 'friends' want to see this? I guarantee you will lose Facebook friends and real life ones.

Armpits
I dare you do make these look good. It's IMPOSSIBLE.  Even armpit creases look bad.

Image credit

Seafood Mornay
What can I say?

Image credit

Penises or vaginas
They are fun and help make lovely babies but they are not photogenic it doesn't matter how drunk you are (No photo necessary).

Ponchos
I have tried. I love Ponchos but I have never managed to make them look as good in photos as I think they look in real life.

Image credit

What do you have trouble taking good photos of?


PS: Obviously this was written in good nature. I am sure you take excellent photos of your knees, feet, armpits, penises, vaginas, ponchos and seafood mornay but I just suck at it.

I am joining up for Wordless Wednesday with My Little Drummer Boys

and Twinkle in the eye

How to work it in wet weather

Wet weather makes everything a little harder including making yourself look slightly presentable.  When I really have to pull it together and the weather is bucketing down, this is what I do:

1. A slick do. You can start with a blow dry, straightened and brushed into place, perfect pony tail or you can just load it with leave-in conditioner and pull it into place. Both will result in exactly the same do but have a difference of 30 minutes. If you are feeling clever, throw in a braid, this will take it up a notch;
2. Simple make up. Stick with waterproof mascara and a bright lipstick. These will not be washed off or run down your face when the rain gusts up under your brolly;
3. Dark clothes. These will hide the wet splotches better and won't go see through when wet;
4. Go boots, gumboots or thongs. You might question my thongs, but I'm a Queenslander and they are awesome for wet days;
5. Pick fun, bright and waterproof accessories. Fun umbrellas, patterned gum boots and bright waterproof handbags;
6. Sunglasses. Yes, these are still okay on wet days. They keep the rain from getting into your eyes, hide the lack of makeup and make you look awesome; and
7. Don't be precious. Nothing looks more uncool than being scared of a little water.

What are your wet weather secrets?

PS: I wrote about Rainy day etiquette here too, some very helpful tips for those clumsy umbrellas.

On Tuesdays I link up with Essentially Jess

Wild weekend weather + stir crazy kids = Grumpy Mum

The weekend has been a combination of watching Burpengary creek levels hoping they won't reach my sisters house, sleepless nights listening to the windows shaking wondering if a tornado is about to hit and ripping my hair out listening to bickering, excited children.

The weather is so bad that there is no point in bothering with hair and makeup. Yes, it's true. An entire weekend sans makeup and with a pigtail.

The Peninsula has been packed with traffic wanting to see our normally calm waters whipped into surf conditions. We joined them briefly. Yeah, we're storm chasers now.

My husband took a photo of me, taking a photo of the waves.

 My daughter took a photo of us braving the elements to take a selfie.

I hope everyone is staying safe this weekend.

Juggling Apples

I am completely in love with all things Apple. I love how well they sync with each other, how user friendly they are and how gorgeous they look.

How many Apples are too many. How many Apples can you really juggle at one time?

I am thinking five. I'm pretty good at juggling.

My 'Made in Australia' stamp

I am an Aussie. I am so Aussie I have a small 'Made in Australia' stamp on my inner thigh. Too much information? Yes, I know but we are friends and it's Australia day tomorrow.

It's missing Tasmania (no, I'm not adding any distasteful jokes in here) and Queensland is missing it's peak but I haven't been to Tasmania or the top of Queensland, so I can pretend they don't exist for a moment.

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi, Oi, Oi

I am linking up with Cooker and a Looker for her Australia Day Party.

5 Things I have learned about blogging

I know there has been a little negativity in the Aussie blogging world. I don't know if I walk around in a happy bubble with blinkers and rose coloured glasses on but I just don't see it. My experience of the Aussie blogging world has been great:

1. I have had the opportunity to met some fantastic people. The 'big guns' are as friendly and kind in person as they are on-line. The ones I have met in real life deserve all they have achieved. I find it inspiring to know that if they can do it, then maybe with hard work I can do something too.
2. Don't be stingy with your knowledge. Nikki from Styling You is the most generous person with her blogging knowledge and her generosity has had a huge affect on me.
3. On-line friends can become wonderful real life friends.
4. Everything on every subject has already been written. So, write whatever you want to write. Use your voice and your ideas. When I get an idea, I just write it. I don't ever google or read up on it because I want to know that it's completely me in that post. If you are inspired by someone, mention them and link back. Don't copy.
5. If you don't know something, ask. People are happy share and point you in the right direction.

What about you? Has blogging been a positive experience for you?

How to fake happy when you feel like sh*&

We all have those down days. It's normal and healthy. But to be able to fake happy and pull it off is a special skill. It's like the Stepford wife armour.  Don't let them know how bad you are feeling, push those feelings deep, deep down and put a smile on your face. It might not be healthy but it's how I roll. Denial, denial, denial.

First, pop a Berocca. This is like sweet, sunshine in a glass.

Next, concealer for the dark circles from the sleepless nights but be careful not to use too much else it will fall into the wrinkles created by all your worrying

Blush is a must. This will make you look healthy and alive. A gorgeous, artificial glow of good health.

Mascara to open those puffy eyes.

A spritz of perfume to cloak the smell of despair.

A bright outfit. The more colour the better but not too many patterns or you'll start to look unhinged.

And smile, because the whole world smiles with you when you fake smile at it.

Usually by this stage I am feeling better. If I'm still feeling low, then I throw down some money on a sexy frock and lingerie then go out to dinner with my man, or phone a girlfriend for a wine & whine delivery.

How do you put it together on one of those days?

10 Tips for surviving Public Toilets

I try to avoid public toilets but I have two girls that need to 'go wees' as soon as we leave the house. They also need to go as soon as I sit down with a coffee in a coffee shop, when our meal arrives in a restaurant, the climax of a movie or when I have started placing groceries on the conveyor belt at the check out. Needless to say, I end up spending a lot of time in public toilets for someone that avoids them.

My top tips are:

1. Assume every surface is covered in faeces. Never touch a handle, a button or tap. Use your a paper towel, sleeve, or corner of your shirt or scarf (or get your children to do it).
2. Pick a good cubical. You need one that has distance from other toilet guests, it looks relatively clean, has toilet paper and is free from pee drops on the seat and skid marks down the bowl.
3. Hang up your handbag. If there isn't a hook, then hold onto it. Never place it on the ground.
4. Place toilet paper around the seat, but still try to balance without touching the seat. Use this opportunity to give yourself a leg and gutes workout. Squatting is excellent exercise.
5. Create a nest with toilet paper in the bowl. This is to stop splash back and also to soften sound effects.
6. Hold your breath. I try to do this for the entire time. It makes me rush but I don't want to have to breath in the air that has possibly come out of someone else's bottom.
7. Wash your hands really well.
8. Dry them really well
9. Don't touch the tap to switch it off or touch the door handle when leaving else you will have to go back and wash your hands again.
10. Check you haven't tucked up your skirt or have toilet paper stuck to your shoe.

Have you got any tips to add?

Cheezy Cheezels

We can't resist Cheezels or cheezy photos.

I am joining up for Wordless Wednesday with My Little Drummer Boys

and Twinkle in the eye

"Do you know what I would do if I were you?"

Don't you love it when people say this to you. They pose it like a question, so you almost have to ask for their great, unwanted advice. I love that they feel like they have insight into the situation that they know even better than you.

Well, I have decided to run with this.

So, I invite you to tell ME your situation or problem. It can be big, small, made up or anonymous, I don't mind at all. I will respond with "Do you know what I would do if I were you.......". I might even make it entire blog post responding to your question.

I might not have great advice, my response might only amuse me, it might be illegal across Australia, but I am prepared to share my knowledge and smarts with you.

Come on, give me some good ones.

On Tuesdays I link up with IBOT at Essentially Jess

In my Handbag

In September I shared what was inside my handbag. People were surprised. My bag was a little like the Tardis or a clown's car. Now I have a new handbag and it is significantly smaller than my previous number one. I have had to streamline the crap I insisted on carrying.

Meet my new love: A coral Mimco handbag. She is an early birthday present from my husband, notice how well she plays with my iPhone cover.

My necessities:

• Lucus Paw Paw Ointment, of course
• Florabotanica by Balenciaga. This is still my favourite perfume and another recent present from the hubster
• Bobby Pins. I am growing out my short do
• OPI A roll in the Hague. My BFF bought it for me and she has excellent taste
• House key. My sister bought the keyring and she also has excellent taste
• Swisspers facial cleansing wipes. Sometimes you feel like ripping that makeup off your face
• Fossil Purse. This is a fossil and desperately needs to be updated
• Oroton Sunglasses. Every girl needs black sunnies
• Panadol
• Chanel Lipgloss in Emoi. The perfect gloss
• iPhone 5

What I use to carry:

You can find the itemised list here

I'm loving the new smaller bag but I wonder how long I can last before the crap starts creeping back in.

What surprise items are hiding at the bottom of your bag?


Edit: I have noticed that the lovely Luc from Love Luc x has a handbag post too. Great minds and all :)  She is definitely prepared for the day. I love checking out what's in other people bags. 

What a weekend!

My husband took Friday off work so we could have a long weekend at the beach with the girls. First we stopped by Gympie for a lovely lunch with his mum and sister and then we hit Caloundra.

This beach is so close to Redcliffe and we hardly ever go there. I have no idea why. We stayed at the gorgeous Monaco Hotel and it was perfect. Two bedrooms, two bathrooms, two balconies and walk-in robe. It was almost as good as our house. This is the view from the front balcony.

The first night we dined at a restaurant called Indiyum! Their slogan is Fair dinkum Indian but I think they served every type of cuisine imaginable. I'm fairly certain that's the sign of an awesome restaurant. The tables were pieces of art, all bright and colourful. Much to the amusement of the girls, we got seated at a table with a nude woman painted across the top.

We visited the Amazen toy store to buy a new board game for the weekend. It was very hard to get the family out of that store. In the end, we bribed the girls with bubbles and games and we were eventually able to escape.

The second night we ate at Wung Nam Thai. This was a little expensive for Thai but so very good. There was a small fire on the table beside us, but we didn't let it distract us from our mission. The mission: To eat and enjoy as much of it as we could. In the end, we barely made a dent.

After a weekend of sun, sand, food, wine and giggles, it was time to drag our sandy bums back home.

We are definitely planning on heading back for a longer holiday sometime soon.

Where do you like to head for family breaks?

Skydiving. Would you?

Just 12 days ago I wrote my Anti-resolution for 2013. The very first thing I said I wouldn't do in 2013 was skydiving. Now someone has asked if I would be interested in a jump to review. My heart stopped for a second even writing it.

I think I even threw up a little in my mouth.

I love you guys but not enough to fall from a plane.

Would you do it?
Have you done it?
Would you do it again?

Guest Post: How to be a Slapdash Mama

I am thrilled to have the very funny Sarah from Slapdash Mama guest posting today. I am sure you will love her as much as I do.

Hello everybody! When stylish Rachel suggested I do a guest post for her blog, naturally I was VERY flattered!  But look, it was only a matter of time really.  I mean, ever since I started the blog I've had people practically beating down my door wondering, Sarah, how can WE be like YOU!? We want to be Slapdash Mamas too! TELL US HOW OH WISE ONE!!??

So, due to popular demand, please find below a tutorial on how you can be a Slapdash Mama too. Or maybe you already are and you don't even know it!? Read on and learn, little grasshoppers!

How To Be A Slapdash Mama.

Lowering Your Standards Is The New Black!

• Before having children, ensure that you hold forth to everyone within shouting distance about how you're never going to let your kid eat McDonald's/watch TV/ingest sugar/insert generic fun busting concept here. Don't hold back, now! Don't let anyone off the hook, even your own mother, cos what does she know about this stuff anyways?? Because these things are of the Devil. Your offspring won't even know about the evil burger purveyors because they won't be watching TV, they'll be too busy putting together amusing little concerts and performing bush ballads while eating damper round the campfire because kids these days blah blah blahdi blah.

• Next, have a baby. After a little while, have another baby. Proceed to bribe the living shizz out of the first baby, now a toddler, to behave themselves/be quiet/let mummy have some aloooonnnee time/sit on the mother loving loo/stop drawing on the curtains while mummy feeds the new baby/insert generic behavioral issue here, with TV, McDonald's and sugary treats. Sometimes all at once. Pretend like you never said all that Cray Cray stuff about it all being of the Devil, that was just utter madness. Try to ignore your mother's I-told-you-so-raised-eyebrows. 

• While preparing for the arrival of your first child and imminent maternity leave, compile a list of things you'd like to achieve during the next 12 months, and make sure you schedule the hell out of every week. Don't let a day go by without timetabling absolutely tonnes of things you've never done before, like outdoor group fitness training with prams, baby music class, mummy baby yoga, mummy baby abseiling high ropes courses, yummy sexy mummy hotness classes for hotties, and so forth.

• Go on maternity leave. Have baby. Stay home all day every day baking banana cakes. And eating them. Whole. Go once to the pram fitness thingo when the baby is 6 weeks old. Decide it's not for you, and bake another banana cake. Damn you to hell Stephenie Alexander you evil temptress.

• In the last weeks before your baby is born, roll your eyes and sigh loudly at old coots from work who warn you, like albatrosses, of the DOMESTIC STORM that is about to invade your nice, newly built house. Say things to them like "Kids don't need all that stuff, man, they can just sleep in a DRAWER wrapped in hessian sacks from Lifeline, they don't CARE! People's houses are so CLUTTERED, it's a CANCER and a blight on Western Civilisation!"

• Have baby. Get tonnes of stuff. Have another baby. Get more stuff. Become subsumed in a veritable midden heap of baby clothes, unfolded washing, food scraps and random pieces of toy related plastic such as tiny fairy sized hairbrushes, miniature piglets and the enemy of the bare foot during late night toilet visits, the stray lego piece.

A temple to minimalism.

• Plan to develop a really stylish yet practical "mummy wardrobe", and commit to showering, dressing and applying a bit of slap before your husband leaves for work every day. You know, like all the stuff you read Gwyneth Paltrow harping on about in "Goop" and whatnot. Easy!

• Have baby. Spend your days dressed like this...

Have another baby. Rock some cutting edge shoe action like this.

One of these things is not like the other.

So there you have it.

You too can be a Slapdash Mama! Or are you already? Embrace my near-enough-is-good-enough attitude and reap the rewards!

Slapdash Mama, aka Sarah Mac, is a thirty-something, working mama of 2, living on the Gold Coast in Queensland.  Her hobbies include folding washing, shouting at the television and neglecting her weed infested garden....

Thank you so much Sarah, you can find her at 
slapdashmama.blogspot.com.au

If you are interested in guest posting on Redcliffe Style, please don't hesitate to contact me at rachel@redcliffestyle.com

I'm pretty thrilled right now

Today, Katrina from the Block shared her 10 Australian blogs to watch this year. I'm an beyond thrilled that she included me on this fantastic list.  You must check out the other amazing blogs listed too.

My list of 10 Australian blogs to watch in 2013 

What I wore: FIL birthday dinner

Last night we went out to nice restaurant to celebrate my Father-in-law's birthday. I love my FIL, he is one of my favourite people in the world. I often think I like him more than I like my husband. Any hoo, I like him enough to go to a steak house and watch the other half of the family gorging on bloody meat. Literally.

More importantly, what did I wear...

I bought this dress from Cue, it was reduced from $279 to $139. It's red with orange spots. I teamed it with nude fishnets, ancient red Zola Mary-Janes, a Mimco carry-all and my favourite Chanel lipstick. I decided to lighten up on my usual jewellery overload and just wore my favourite diamond & pearl earrings from Dubai and half a dozen bracelets my husband has bought from all over the place.

I am joining up for Wordless Wednesday with My Little Drummer Boys

and Twinkle in the eye

Re-motivated

I had been struggling a little to get re-motivated after Christmas, a busted treadmill and school holidays. My husband was around more and we have spent way too much time hanging out with family and friends, eating and drinking. It was a lot of fun but now it's time to get serious.

I have since re-discovered it. My motivation is my birthday next month and my husband is throwing me a big, birthday bash. I think knowing all our families and friends are coming is all the motivation I need. I have been managing to run 10 km 4 or 5 times a week and we are back to family bootcamp this weekend. Next I need to fit in some weights and continue to improve my diet.

It doesn't help that I'm out to dinner with the In-laws tonight. Maybe my diet can start tomorrow.

If all else fails, a light spray tan will work.

What motivates you?

10 Things I'll tell my daughters...

I love my girls. I want them to grow up and be 50x better than I am. I want them to be filled with confidence, humour and a massive heart. I think they are already overtaking me in all these things. I was a dumb arse growing up. I'm pretty certain it took the passing of my dad and then children to turn me half decent but here are 10 things I would tell my daughters...

1. You will survive heartbreak. There will be moments your heart hurts so much and you are certain it's about to explode through your chest. It's better to feel than to be scared of it;
2. Always be the better person. I don't mean like a competition, but always try to do the most you can do. Then you will feel confident in your decision to walk away and never look back;
3. It's okay to be honest and say 'No'.  Don't be a 'Yes' girl.
4. Be charitable. In small ways and big ways. It feels good to give and it means so much to the people you are helping;
5. Never, ever settle. It is way better to be by yourself than with someone that's not good enough;
6. Never confuse being alone with loneliness. Embrace your alone time. The silence is magical and it's wonderful to enjoy those moments;
7. People make mistakes, you will make mistakes and other people will make mistakes that hurt you. Don't let the mistake rule you. Don't let this change the person you are and react in a way you can be proud of;
8. You are amazing, just the way you (Thanks Bruno Mars);
9. Say things things that make you giggle; and
10. When all else fails, come home and I'll make it better.

What advice do you give your children?

Don't be shy...

You know me, in fact you probably know way more than you want to. Now I want to know you better, so I'd love you to out yourself. Please share your blog URL and Facebook page or even your business details, I'd love to visit and follow you. If you don't have a blog, then share your twitter handle or Instagram account instead (or as well). I think we are going to be besties this year.

I'll start:
Twitter: @RedcliffeStyle
Instagram: redcliffestyle
Facebook: www.facebook.com/Redcliffe.Style

Make sure you check out any other blogs that might link up, I'm sure there will be some doozies.

Blogger Basics: 8 ways to build up your readership

When you first start blogging you are amazed that even one person managed to find your blog. Your biggest readers all have the same surname as you or happen to be in your circle of friends. After the excitement of one or two regular readers wears off, you start to wonder how people will find you.  Here are a few ways I increased and continue to increase my readers:

1. Be a big reader and commenter on other blogs. I always try to leave a comment on any blog I visit. I think it is polite and...
• The blogger will see your name, your insightful or hysterically witty comments and be interested enough to visit you; and
• Their readers will also see your comment. Once again, if your comment is good, they might want to seek you out too.
2. Guest post for bigger bloggers. Ideally, look for blogs with a similar audience to yours. When I started blogging I approached many bigger bloggers and asked if they accept guest posts. Write a post and send it to them for consideration. Make sure it's original material and hasn't been used anywhere else. Also include a bio, a good photo and all your links.
3. Post regularly. It doesn't have to be everyday but visitors like to see fresh material. If I visit a blog that hasn't been active for a few months, I don't return.
4. Create Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts under your blog name and make sure you share new posts on them.
5. Share other peoples posts. When people know you are a sharer, they are more likely to want to share your posts too.
6. Participate in linky parties. This is a great way to find new blogs to read, and get people to notice yours.
7. Join blogger networking sites.
8. If you can, attend a blogging conference. This is a great way to learn a lot, meet great people and get your name out there.

What have you found to be successful in building up your readers?