Thursday, January 17, 2013

Guest Post: How to be a Slapdash Mama

I am thrilled to have the very funny Sarah from Slapdash Mama guest posting today. I am sure you will love her as much as I do.

Hello everybody! When stylish Rachel suggested I do a guest post for her blog, naturally I was VERY flattered!  But look, it was only a matter of time really.  I mean, ever since I started the blog I've had people practically beating down my door wondering, Sarah, how can WE be like YOU!? We want to be Slapdash Mamas too! TELL US HOW OH WISE ONE!!??

So, due to popular demand, please find below a tutorial on how you can be a Slapdash Mama too. Or maybe you already are and you don't even know it!? Read on and learn, little grasshoppers!

How To Be A Slapdash Mama.

Lowering Your Standards Is The New Black!
  • Before having children, ensure that you hold forth to everyone within shouting distance about how you're never going to let your kid eat McDonald's/watch TV/ingest sugar/insert generic fun busting concept here. Don't hold back, now! Don't let anyone off the hook, even your own mother, cos what does she know about this stuff anyways?? Because these things are of the Devil. Your offspring won't even know about the evil burger purveyors because they won't be watching TV, they'll be too busy putting together amusing little concerts and performing bush ballads while eating damper round the campfire because kids these days blah blah blahdi blah.
  • Next, have a baby. After a little while, have another baby. Proceed to bribe the living shizz out of the first baby, now a toddler, to behave themselves/be quiet/let mummy have some aloooonnnee time/sit on the mother loving loo/stop drawing on the curtains while mummy feeds the new baby/insert generic behavioral issue here, with TV, McDonald's and sugary treats. Sometimes all at once. Pretend like you never said all that Cray Cray stuff about it all being of the Devil, that was just utter madness. Try to ignore your mother's I-told-you-so-raised-eyebrows. 
  • While preparing for the arrival of your first child and imminent maternity leave, compile a list of things you'd like to achieve during the next 12 months, and make sure you schedule the hell out of every week. Don't let a day go by without timetabling absolutely tonnes of things you've never done before, like outdoor group fitness training with prams, baby music class, mummy baby yoga, mummy baby abseiling high ropes courses, yummy sexy mummy hotness classes for hotties, and so forth.
  • Go on maternity leave. Have baby. Stay home all day every day baking banana cakes. And eating them. Whole. Go once to the pram fitness thingo when the baby is 6 weeks old. Decide it's not for you, and bake another banana cake. Damn you to hell Stephenie Alexander you evil temptress.
  • In the last weeks before your baby is born, roll your eyes and sigh loudly at old coots from work who warn you, like albatrosses, of the DOMESTIC STORM that is about to invade your nice, newly built house. Say things to them like "Kids don't need all that stuff, man, they can just sleep in a DRAWER wrapped in hessian sacks from Lifeline, they don't CARE! People's houses are so CLUTTERED, it's a CANCER and a blight on Western Civilisation!"
  • Have baby. Get tonnes of stuff. Have another baby. Get more stuff. Become subsumed in a veritable midden heap of baby clothes, unfolded washing, food scraps and random pieces of toy related plastic such as tiny fairy sized hairbrushes, miniature piglets and the enemy of the bare foot during late night toilet visits, the stray lego piece.
A temple to minimalism.
  • Plan to develop a really stylish yet practical "mummy wardrobe", and commit to showering, dressing and applying a bit of slap before your husband leaves for work every day. You know, like all the stuff you read Gwyneth Paltrow harping on about in "Goop" and whatnot. Easy!
  • Have baby. Spend your days dressed like this...
Have another baby. Rock some cutting edge shoe action like this.
One of these things is not like the other.
So there you have it.

You too can be a Slapdash Mama! Or are you already? Embrace my near-enough-is-good-enough attitude and reap the rewards!

Slapdash Mama, aka Sarah Mac, is a thirty-something, working mama of 2, living on the Gold Coast in Queensland.  Her hobbies include folding washing, shouting at the television and neglecting her weed infested garden....

Thank you so much Sarah, you can find her at 
slapdashmama.blogspot.com.au


If you are interested in guest posting on Redcliffe Style, please don't hesitate to contact me at rachel@redcliffestyle.com

27 comments:

  1. Classic and truthful, loved it, you made me laugh Sarah. Have popped on over to your blog and now following you. I'm a follow GC dwelling mumma.

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  2. Slapdash mama you are hilarious! Great guest post.

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  3. Slapdash mama you are hilarious! Great guest post.

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  4. Replies
    1. Why thank you_ The owner of the Chinese restaurant that we had our engagement party at gave it to me on the night. A surprise synthetic addition to my already glamorous options.

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  5. I didn't even know you had kids! Ha! I'm just like you - minus the kidettes.

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    1. Sulky, I do keep the kids on the lowdown, don't I?! Not!

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  6. Very funny! Nothing like kids to bring us back down to earth!

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  7. Lots of laughter here as I am right there with you. K xxoo

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  8. Oh this made me laugh - nice to meet you Slapdash Mama!

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  9. I love this! And I can relate to the whole lot.

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  10. Oh this made me laugh out loud! I am can fully confirm that I have done every single one of those things - thus making me a fully fledged member of the slapdash club!! Great post, thanks for making me smile. Love Mrs D xxx

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    1. It is a great post, I could relate to a few things too :)

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