Thursday, January 31, 2013

One of those things we don't talk about...

I was talking about Pap Smears with a few girlfriends trying to work myself up to booking one. Just like every woman, I HATE them. After a few drinks (and sometimes not any) people really loosen up about their Pap Smear experiences.

Everyone has a funny story or two that wasn't so funny at the time:
  1. One friend shared that her male doctor requested that she give his fingers back after she had tensed up so much during the exam.
  2. One was surprised when the doctor pulled out the torch for a better look (Maybe he should invest in a Miner's light to free up both hands?)
  3. Another asked if they got the Brazilian just for him (No, but I am sure her vagazzling was). 
  4. One lady ended up being the unexpected training vagina for some newbies. (I'm all for on the job training but this might push me over the edge).
Some women insist on female doctors and others swear by males. I nearly always go for females but find them really rough. It's almost like they are so familiar with the area they know how much rough treatment it can take. The males have been so gentle, like they are scared of hurting the delicate flower. I have been brought to tears by females but never males.

Finally, generally the women I talked to prefer it not to be a cute, male doctor. This makes it much, much worse. I have never had a cute, male doctor perform the procedure but I would have thought it would make it much better.

Have you had any interesting experiences? Feel free to share, we are all girlfriends here.


PS: I hope you are all up-to-date. If you are over 18 and have had sex, you should have a Pap Smear every two years. If you have had cell changes your doctor might want to do them more regulary.


This is not a Robot Duck

28 comments:

  1. Ha, very funny :) As a female doctor working in a women's health practice allow me to share a few funny stories from the other end of the bed...
    1. one lady answered her phone mid smear. Just like being on the bus she said "I am getting my pap smear done..." Unsure if I should continue or not I paused, only to have her gesture at me wildly to get on with it, so being all nice and considerate as I am (I have never made anyone cry during a smear) I did what I was told and kept going.
    2. I see a number of ballerinas. One had a pelvic floor so strong that when I let go of the instrument de torture, it came flying back out and hit me square on the forehead. I had a bruise for weeks.
    3. I am told I am very good at pap smears, it will probably be written on my tomb stone. One lady at the end was so grateful she explained in a loud voice "my God, that was good" and proceeded to want to hug me as she left.
    Anywho, love a girl that mentions the unmentionable, clearly you are a girl after my heart ;)

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    1. Yay, thanks for sharing. I wish you lived locally. I'd totally let you go there x

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    2. Me too! We need more like you!

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  2. Great post rachel. I love coming in here for something that makes me smile!

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    1. Thank you for your feedback. I really appreciate it. I often think I am rambling for my own enjoyment. R x

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  3. Haha! Frankly after having to babies pushed and/or yanked out of the old vag and then stitched up, the pap smear holds no fear for me any more! Although having a cute male doctor would.be totes humiliating. Luckily they seem a rare breed.round these parts.

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    1. I think they are rare everywhere. Mine kids were both c-sections, so I am still terribly prudish. Rx

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  4. Luckily we now have the "practice Nurse" (no not one practicing to be a nurse) but one at our gp office, that performs them now. She is very clinical and has no family history as such so it feels a lot less personal. Does that make sense. Love the stories. I have never discussed funny Pap smear stories with girlfriends but my 75 year old Mother in law has told me hers and that's scarred me a little I think.

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    1. I think it's important to not have a close connection to the person doing the procedure. What a great MIL :) Rx

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  5. Hahaha I love this!! I had a papsmear scar only last year thankfully turns out it was all OK! I had an old asian lady doctor which was Fantastic lol! I couldnt think of anything worse than a cute male doctor.

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    1. I'm glad it turned out ok, that would be scary. An old asian doctor sounds relaxing :)

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  6. I hate having PAP smears - so necessary but so ...urgh. I've had mixed experiences. Yes, male doctors are a lot gentler. Females...once she was feeling EVERYWHERE inside, felt like she was trying to pull my womb out! She was pressing on my abdomen, etc. OMG. So uncomfortable. And I hate it when they tell you to "relax". Seriously? Relax? Having a PAP? Hmmm...but I have to confess though, I've never had a cute male doctor (not that I'd want to) do a PAP smear but I have had one sew up my vajayjay after the birth of my first child. My feelings? I so wanted to close my legs when he entered the room. :/

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    1. Haha, I imagine you were looking your best at that time

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  7. I hate pap smears as well! Guess there wouldn't be many women out there who love them. I've always gone with female doctors but reading all of the above, maybe I should consider a male (just not a cute one)! My last pap smear was horrific in that the doctor scared me half to death (I wrote a post about it - Dr Alarmist). My sister had a terrible one too in that the female doctor seemed to have no clue what she was doing - in the end, I think she handed the 'instrument' to my sister and said can you do it?!

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  8. It's never really bothered me - sure, they're not fun, but there's worse! Childbirth being the obvious one that springs to mind.

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  9. My female doctor is very good at them too. I've never had a male doctor. Stupidly enough having a pap smear doesn't bother me as much as going to the dentist. Irrational, but true.

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    1. I think you might not be the only person that feels that way :)

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  10. I still don't get that they haven't sorted out something better to get them done.
    I had a dr say "this tiny thing can't hurt after what just came out of there" (meaning the baby - a ten pounder)but worse was the female dr who went into great detail when something had to be cut out, and all I could think was "I don't care, just do it, it's what I'm paying you for - I don't want to know" but was trying to be all mature and feigning interest while she pointed at diagrams...

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    1. I wouldn't want to know either. I would have put my fingers in my ears "la la la, I can't hear you".

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  11. I too fear a pap smear and after having my first child and nearing her 3 birthday i finally gave in and went ahead and had it but as all mums know sometimes when you need a child sitter one is never available, so had to take little princess with me and just as my female doctor started to put the duck bill in a lovely little princess joined her to watch and help, my doctor just said she had never had someone else join her under the sheet...we still talk about it now and little princess is nearly 10 and starting to have womenly changes of her own ...not really anonymous but dont have any other way to comment...thank you for a great topic

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    1. Haha, that is awesome. My girls wouldn't have been bothered either. Great story!

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  12. I have never had anything remotely interesting happen... I like it that way. Just do it and let me get dressed again. Hate them. HATE them!

    Which reminds me... I am due to have it done again... And unfortunately, having another baby to avoid it is just not an option.

    Fab post... You go girl!

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  13. I prefer a woman, in saying that, the OB/GYN who did my two laproscopic surgeries is amazingly quick/painless/gentle. Wouldn't see him just for a pap though. My female GP is good too. The weirdest experience I had was when I lived in the US and the woman was talking to my cervix "Where are you cervix? Oh there, you are! How are you today?" I said "If it responds I'd say we're in trouble." SO weird!!

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    1. Haha, you should have responded in a funny voice :)

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  14. At my last pap smear I was on the table naked, legs spread and the doctor was down the business end when she said "You're looking well". Wasn't sure if she was talking to me or commenting on my lady garden! I just said thanks!

    Michelle

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