Monday, May 7, 2012

10 things - Qualities I value in friends now that I am nearly 40

There are qualities I value in friends now that I am nearly forty. What I look for in a friend is different from when I was 20 or 30. I am no longer looking for someone that likes the same clubs as me, drinks the same wine, likes the odd sneaky cigarette or a slightly naughty joke.

No, I look for more in people these days.
1. A sense of humour. People that don't have a sense of humour totally throw me. For some reason I'll try even harder to make them laugh, and this makes me look even sillier. I should have learnt to give up by now but I can't, I need to be able to make people smile - a big belly laugh is even better;
2. A kind heart. I always tell my girls to find the biggest heart in their class and that is the kid to play with. It goes for big people too. I have come across way too many shrivelled up hearts and know they are best to avoid. Just like a sultana was a grape, you can't turn it back into a grape by soaking it;
3. Confidence. I am not confident but I love confidence in other people. I have known people that are consumed with insecurities and I have also seen these insecurities bring some terrible traits to the surface;
4. Trusting. I love open people that are happy to talk about whatever. I have found that the least trusting people are usually untrustworthy themselves. I love trusting, honest and open people. Paranoia makes me paranoid;
5. Intelligence. I don't care if they have a Masters degree or left school at 12. I like people that make me think. I am not super intelligent but love it in others. I can't stand the faux intellectuals, these are the people that think they are so smart, use lots of big words but don't say anything;
6. Non-judgemental. I really don't want to have to explain my decisions to friends. They have to assume to have thought it out, back the front and inside out and made the best decision for me (and my family);
7. Positive. Negative nellies need not apply;
8. Life givers. This is the opposite of the people that are just exhausting to be around. There are some people that just make you feel good hanging out with. I want to hunt them down and sit beside them with a cup of coffee all day, and then with a glass of wine all night;
9. Low maintenance. You haven't spoken or text for a week, or a month and they are cool about it. We are all busy. You can just pick it back up where it was; and
10. Responsible. Accepts when they have made mistakes. My pet peeve is a blamer. Someone that always turns a situation around and points a fat greasy finger at the closest person. Give them a wide berth because eventually they will point at you.

Basically, I want to hang out with people that make me want to be a better person.

What do you value in friends now you are older?

24 comments:

  1. Rach, i totally agree! why cant we have this wisdom when we are young? why does it take many hard lessons and heartache to achieve this zen point of view lol i am just glad to get there in the end. x

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    1. Hi Kavala, We just go the scenic route to get there in the end:). Rxx

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  2. I agree with all the qualities that you look for! I would rather have a few friends that are everything on that list than hundreds that are none of the above. Life is short so spending time with people that you love to spend time are the best friends of all! xx

    Jos @ sewcooklaughlive@yahoo.com.au

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    1. Hi Jos, I completely agree, time is too short to waste it on people that drag you down. Rxx

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  3. I love this! I love the advice you give your daughters, words to live by. I really value honesty - if someone doesn't respect me enough to tell me the truth they cannot be much of a friend.
    Also - a sultana can be plumped up with alcohol, but they will still be wrinkly. Just sayin!
    xx

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    1. Hi Mrs BC, Yes, true friends should be able to tell the truth but also in a sensitive thoughtful way.

      Yes, they can be soaked and made plumpish again - but they'll never be quite the same. I am not even sure what I mean by this now. All I know is, that I want to make a Moroccan curry with sultanas. :)

      I hope your husband is recovering well. xx

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  4. Wow...powerful words..and so simple. Why do we complicate things when we are young. The fog lifts and clarity kicks in when we stop being all to everyone and start being good to ourselves..and that sometimes means culling the gals that do not fulfill most of your 10...keep up the good words (work).. Dianna

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    1. Hi Dianna, thank you so much for your kind words, I really appreciate them. Rachel x

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  5. I think you have pretty much nailed my list Hun. The only thing I would ad is people who are not afraid to be themselves and aren't controlled by others. I couldnt be friends with a puppet! Xx

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    1. Hi Sonia, I completely agree. No muppets. I love people that are happy and proud to be themselves. I think it comes with age too. :) Rachel x

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  6. absolutely yes to all but most especially number 7! why are some people so negative but still expect to have friends??!!

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    1. I know!! But, they still manage to find people to hang out with, as long as it's not me. I love a positive person. :) Thanks for your comment Sarah. Rxx

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  7. Love it! I absolutely agree.

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    1. Thanks Keeksaz. I appreciate your reading and commenting. Rachel x

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  8. Boy am I picky now! And I have the guts to walk away if it isn't working out. Great list xx

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    1. Hi Veggie Mama, It took a long time for me to realise that I can walk away. And walk away I will. We don't need negativity in out lives if we can avoid it. Thanks for commenting. Rachel x

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  9. Hi
    Some people really dont see themselves do they ???? Maybe deflection is a great strategy for some - one day- you'll get caught out - Im just sayin - Steph

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    1. Hi Steph, That is so true!! Deflection may work temporarily but true personalities shine through eventually :). I really appreciate you reading and commenting. Rachel xx

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  10. I really love this post Rachel, at 34 I've been lucky to have some amazing women in my life, I've realised this more than ever lately as I made a friend who just wasn't up to scratch and caused me quite a lot of sadness.

    I've shared on facebook (your second post this week!)

    xo

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    1. Thanks Blue Belle, you are so kind. I am so happy you are enjoying the posts. Now I will be trying extra hard to keep up with them :) Rachel x

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  11. Great, love that friends are always there and you can just pick up where you left them last..we all realise that life gets busy but that doesn't mean we forget how important it is to stay in touch.x

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    1. Yes, they understand and don't take it personally when you are busy. Rachel x

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  12. Brilliant post - I'm with you on all of these points, especially a sense of humour! All of my great friends have something that I really admire about them and I feel that I can learn from. I have moved past toxic people and 'frenemies' and have culled in the last few years and am much happier for it. Thanks so much for sharing!! A xx

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    1. A sense of humour is so important. I avoid toxic people at all costs, but it's a little harder when you are related :)

      Thanks for commenting. Rachel xx

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